The British Biker Weather Report: 80% Chance of Regret, 100% Chance of Riding

By Mid Bike Crisis | Motorcycle Life & Biker Humour

Let's face it. Motorcyclists are a strange bunch.

Normal people look out of the window, see grey skies, horizontal rain and temperatures that make their fingers hurt just thinking about them, and decide to stay indoors.

Bikers? We check three weather apps, stare suspiciously at a cloud on the horizon and announce:

"It'll be alright once we get moving."

Welcome to the British Biker Weather Report, where common sense takes a back seat, waterproofs become a second skin, and a perfectly good Sunday can turn into a two-hour battle against the elements.

Today's Forecast: Cold, Wet and Probably Sideways

Today's highly scientific forecast is brought to you by Mid Bike Crisis.

Temperatures are hovering somewhere between "a bit nippy" and "why can't I feel my fingers?"

Rain is expected from the left, the right and directly into your visor. There may be occasional sunshine, but only long enough to convince you that taking your waterproofs off was a good idea.

In short, it's absolutely perfect riding weather.

At least, that's what you tell yourself.

The Three Stages of a British Biker's Weather Forecast

Stage 1: The Optimist

It's Sunday morning. You've got the kettle on, your bike is sitting in the garage, and the weather forecast looks questionable.

You check your favourite weather app.

Rain.

You check another one.

More rain.

You check a third, because clearly the first two have got it wrong.

Then you spot a bloke on Facebook claiming it's dry near him.

That's good enough for you.

"Right, who's coming out for a ride?"

Your mates aren't convinced. One says it's too cold. Another says he's washing the bike. A third has suddenly developed a mysterious family commitment.

No matter. You're going anyway.

Stage 2: The Waterproof Wrestling Match

Getting ready for a wet-weather ride is an activity in its own right.

First come the thermal layers. Then the riding gear. Then the waterproof jacket. Then the waterproof trousers, which somehow seem to have shrunk since last winter.

You pull, tug, twist and hop around the garage like a confused penguin.

Eventually, you're dressed.

You can barely bend your knees, your pockets are inaccessible, and you need assistance to get your gloves on.

But you're ready.

You turn to your other half and proudly announce:

"It'll be alright once we get moving."

They look at you in the same way people look at someone who's just announced they're going swimming in the North Sea in January.

You fire up the bike and head out regardless.

Stage 3: The Café of Salvation

Forty minutes later, you're parked outside a café, peeling off wet gloves and trying to remember what warm fingers feel like.

Your visor is fogged up. Your socks are damp. You've discovered that your supposedly waterproof jacket has a very specific opinion about heavy rain.

You wrap both hands around a cup of tea and stare into the middle distance.

Someone asks how the ride was.

"Worth it" you say.

Worth it?

You were nearly blown into a hedge, couldn't feel your fingertips, and spent the last ten miles questioning every decision that led you here.

But you got out on the bike.

And that's what counts.

There's No Such Thing as Bad Riding Weather… Is There?

Every biker has their own threshold.

Some riders won't leave the garage unless the sun is shining and the roads are bone dry. Others seem to regard a weather warning as a personal invitation.

Most of us sit somewhere in the middle, although our definition of "acceptable weather" can change dramatically when our mates suggest a ride.

The truth is that riding in the British weather can be part of the adventure. The changing conditions, the unexpected stops, the stories you tell afterwards and the café breaks all become part of the experience.

Of course, there's a difference between a bit of drizzle and genuinely dangerous conditions. Cold, wet roads can reduce grip, visibility can deteriorate quickly, and strong winds can make riding difficult. Check the forecast, dress appropriately, and know when to call it a day.

Your bike will still be there tomorrow.

Probably asking for another modification.

The Real Reason We Keep Going Back for More

Here's the thing about motorcycling: even when the weather is rubbish, there's something special about getting out on the road.

It's the feeling of being away from the usual routine. It's the open road, the sound of the engine, the stop at a favourite café and the laughs with your mates.

It's also the fact that, despite all the discomfort, you'll be planning your next ride before your waterproofs have dried.

And next weekend?

You'll check three weather apps, ignore two of them, and go anyway.

Because that's what we do.

We're bikers. We're optimists. And some of us are quite possibly having a midlife crisis.

Over to You: What's the Worst Weather You've Ever Ridden In?

We want to hear your stories.

Have you ridden through a biblical downpour? Been caught in a storm miles from home? Arrived at a café looking like you'd fallen into a swimming pool with your helmet on?

Or perhaps you've spent an entire ride insisting it wasn't that cold while secretly dreaming of a heated seat.

Tell Mid Bike Crisis your funniest wet-weather riding story. Share it with your riding mates, and let us know whether you're a fair-weather rider or the sort who heads out regardless.

Ride safe, keep laughing, and remember:

There's no such thing as bad riding weather…

Mid Bike Crisis 

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